Step 1:  Say "I love you" It's amazing how many vows forget to mention it, we get so wrapped up in the stories, the promises or the anecdote that will get the laughs or tears, that we forget to say those three special words. I love you. 

Step 2: Explain you'll be there no matter what.  We've all heard the vows .... through sickness and health, through good times and bad, and for richer, for poorer. It's important to communicate your intent through your vows, "Hey, no matter what I'm sticking around, we're on this journey of marriage together."

Step 3: Share a personal story and/or acknowledge you'll need support. So all those memories have come flooding back! Your guests would love to hear something personal, a quirky memory of the time you were standing on a chair because you have a fear of spiders. The spider was so tiny but your eyes where locked into its every move. And even though your significant other is also afraid of spiders, they came to your rescue and saved the day and every day since. You are declaring to all your guests your are not perfect but the one you are marrying is perfect for you.

Include your beliefs, friends and family within your ceremony. Acknowledge marriage has it's highs and lows and can everyone be there for you both to ensure your marriage weathers the storms and lasts a lifetime.

Step 4: Make promises to each other. Every wedding ceremony has it's promises and commitments, religious ceremonies do this according to God's holy ordinance. If you have a celebrant officiating your ceremony then you've probably had the marriage already, the bit where there are set words you have to say for your marriage to be legally binding. But other than that you can go wild! You can make non religious promises in front of your guests that are personal to your relationship ie....

"From this day on, I ask you to be my husband.  To stand by your side and sleep in your arms; to live with you and laugh with you; to bring out the best in you, always. To share the joy with you in good times and stand by you in hard times. To enjoy life to it's full with you as much as we can, and when we grow old, I promise I'll be there standing by your side, loving, sharing and holding your hand until death do us part."

Why Choose a celebrant to write your vows?

Sometimes it is easy to go with the ‘norm’; to take on the tradition and use either the clergy or a registrar to oversee your wedding. I understand that. There is so much to organise and pay for, why would you want to pay for a celebrant too?

Well, I think I should explain just what benefits a celebrant can provide to you and then you can make an informed decision.

A celebrant can be with you from the start of your journey, through to the end and we can make your ceremony so unique that it truly will be an occasion to be remembered forever. Let me give you an example.

Imagine, Samantha and her fiancé, Doug. They wanted to get married under their favourite tree in the park where they first met walking the dogs. Now, they knew this wasn’t possible within the strict regulations of the registry office and they had no particular desire to get married by the church. They didn’t not believe, however they weren't church goers at all.

Perfect. Here I was, an independent celebrant, with no ties or restrictions that could perform the ceremony wherever they wanted. So, we sat down the following week and discussed what their hopes and dreams for the special day were. They wanted about 40 guests for the service and would later go to a nearby pub for the reception. They wanted a friend of theirs to play the music, another friend to perform a reading and, ultimately everyone to have a good time. They had few misconceptions about the day and little other inspiration. They just wanted to share the moment with their close friends and family.

I explained the legal bit, where they had to be “married” in a 5 minute signing with 2 witnesses at the registry office and they were happy with that and chose to do that the day before the ceremony. They then asked me what else they could do to make it an “occasion”. Now this is where the benefit of a celebrant comes in to it’s own.

I spoke with them, in depth, about their story – How did they meet? When did they know? What was the proposal like? – to understand what made them tick. It was apparent to me from an early stage, with the venue and their ideology, that a handfasting ceremony would entwine their ceremony perfectly. They agreed and so the first meeting had ended.

We knew the location, the timings, the format and the personality of the ceremony. Now my job was to put this together into a service for them. Doug was very keen to write his own vows, but Samantha was unsure so we agreed that, at a later date, I would sit with her to help write her vows.

So I did, and we spoke 3 times after that to ensure that we all knew how the ceremony would proceed. We rehearsed together (of course keeping their individual promises a secret, until the big day), because I knew both vows complimented each other and that there were no surprises (for Sam & Doug) on the day we could get on practicing the ceremony, the handfasting and we agreed on some special surprises for their parents.

And then the day came, 16 months after we first met, on a warm September afternoon Sam and Doug tied the knot and the day exceeded their expectations.

So, that’s is what I, or any other independent celebrant, can do for you. We allow you to have your ceremony, your way, whatever that is and we help you through the challenges, every step of the way.

I must mention at this point that I, in my previous roles, have been involved with over 600 weddings in hotels, destinations and even the London Eye, so can bring the experienced eye and ear to help you with every facet of planning, should you wish. But fundamentally I will be there every step of the way to ensure your ceremony is perfect in every way and will live long in the memory of all those present.

There is also nothing wrong with using a tried and tested route. You can personise your ceremony in other ways, like a handfasting, sand ceremony etc. Below are a few traditional template vows to get you started.

Church of England Ceremony

Vows: I [Name] take you [Name] to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law. In the presence of God I make this vow.

Exchange of rings: [Name] I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage. With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you, within the love of God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Catholic Ceremony

Vows: I [Name] take you [Name] to be my wife/husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life.

Alternative: I [Name] take you [Name] for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

Exchange of rings: In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, take and wear this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness.

Civil Ceremony

Traditional vows: I call upon these persons here present, to witness that I [Name] do take thee [Name] to be my lawful wedded wife/husband.

Modern vows: I [Name] take you [Name] to be my wedded wife/husband.

These may be slightly extended, eg: I call upon these persons here present, to witness that I [Name] do take thee [Name] to be my lawful wedded wife/husband, to be loving, faithful and loyal to thee in living our married life together.

Exchange of rings – traditional vows: I give you this ring as a symbol of our love. All that I am I give to you. All that I have I share with you. I promise to love you, to be faithful and loyal, in good times and bad. May this ring remind you always of the words we have spoken today.

Exchange of rings – modern vows: I give you this ring as a sign of our love, trust and marriage. I promise to care for you above all others, to give you my love, friendship and support, and to respect and cherish you throughout our life together.

Non-Denominational Ceremony

Some registrars will also have alternatives for you to choose from, such as these from Oxfordshire County Council:

Vows: I promise that I will respect you as an individual, support you through difficult times, rejoice with you through happy times, be loyal to you always and, above all, love you as my wife/husband and friend. I promise to love and respect you, helping our love grow, always being there to listen, comfort and support you, whatever our lives may bring.

Exchange of rings: I give you this ring as a sign of our love, trust and marriage. I promise to care for you above all others, to give you my love, friendship and support, and to respect and cherish you throughout our life together.

If you found this useful and would like to find out more than please don't hesitate to contact me at stuart@stuartprimarolo.co.uk